Wildflower Writes

Photograph by Sean Woods I came home from work, tired and hungry. I dropped my stuff by the door and noticed an orange plastic egg on my TV stand. I was pretty sure I hadn’t left that there, but I had left my son watching videos on the couch when I left for work that morning. Turns out he had hidden 13 eggs for me to discover. Suddenly, I was laughing as an attempt to turn on a lamp dislodged another plastic egg. A game I had dismissed as being too juvenile for my teenage family members was now making my Monday. I forget how important it is to play and have fun. When I was visiting some friends the other day, they asked me what I do when I’m not working. I struggled to think of something I do just because I enjoy it. When I do take the time to do something fun and relaxing, I have better energy and motivation to do the important stuff. Maybe the fun stuff is just as important. 

Photo by  Dennis Klein  on  Unsplash I had just come out of a meeting with my supervisor. My next few weeks of work were pretty much lined up for me, and I was feeling stressed. Over the course of the workday, three different co-workers popped in my office to offer me sweet snacks, including Rise ‘n’ Roll’s infamous cinnamon caramel donuts. This never happens. Some days I hole up in my office and will only see someone on the way to filling up my coffee cup. I’m not sure if everyone was feeling the first of the week/ first of the month optimism, but I love that I work with people who are always thinking about how they can improve someone else’s day. I’m not a big Valentine’s Day fan, but kindness and love are always in style. 

  Photo by  Clay Banks  on  Unsplash I am amazed when I follow the stories of talented individuals who achieved success with a lot of personal sacrifice and hard work.   As inspiring as they are, it’s everyday people who beat incredible odds that really challenge me. I watched Night School , a documentary that showcased students attending an Indianapolis Excel Center. Excel Centers are adult high schools- where you take in-person classes to earn your high school diploma, rather than take a High School Equivalency test. Working for Goodwill, I’ve heard heartfelt success stories, but I wasn’t prepared for Greg’s story. Driven to become a better dad and provider, Greg begins taking classes to get his diploma. His search for a better job is further complicated by his criminal record. His brother ends up in the hospital with a gunshot wound. His 3-year-old daughter is epileptic. Each obstacle is gut-wrenching, but he doesn’t lose his resolve, even when he finds o...

You've heard "finding your bliss." Is it just a fancy way to talk about being happy? And why do you have to find it? Did you lose it? Where do you look for it? If you are blissfully unaware of your bliss, do you still have it? The closest I've come to finding bliss was somewhere in the middle of something created from a cacao bean. I can't tell you the exact time or place, but I can tell you what it tasted like. Seriously, I don't think your bliss is one thing, or necessarily tied to your work or family. Your bliss can be anything, it can change, and it can be fleeting. I guess you could lose it, but it's likely to show up in the least likely places. I found a little bliss this evening. I've jumped on the bandwagon and gone low carb. But I've found any deprivation is outweighed by the joy of creating low carb versions of my favorite foods. I've always been more of a mad scientist than a chef in the kitchen. I made a chocolate mousse...

I haven't blogged for awhile.  At some point I decided that writing daily was never going to get me to the writing career I longed for.  However, since I am recently unemployed (technically self-employed with a tiny paycheck), I thought maybe sharing my experiences in that category might be helpful to others. I've always felt the most for those who have been laid off because there wasn't enough work, or there were budget cuts, or the position was eliminated.  No one feels sorry for the person who was fired. That's me.  Fired, canned, terminated, given the pink slip.  I had been joking for years that I looked forward to that day.  It wasn't that great, after all.  Although I don't believe I deserved it, no one wants to hear that.  It doesn't matter that Indiana is an at-will employment state, and that my employer did just that- fired me without a good reason.  I didn't complete a project because I was working overtime with what...

I finally did it.  It took two mornings before work, but I finally organized my bathroom. That may seem a little OCD, but not for our house.  I took the bath toy out from behind the bath salts (my kids shower now), and put the tylenol and antacids in the medicine cabinet with the dozen stray band-aids I located.  I separated my makeup items from my daughter's lip gloss and hair bands.  I put the crazy number of hotel shampoos, conditioners, and lotions into one container for future road trips.  And I finally found my favorite pair of tweezers and my eye pencil sharpener!  My daughter will be glad that I don't borrow her pencil sharpener any more. I can't believe it took me just a few hours to accomplish this task.  When I think of all the times I've gone crazy searching for a hairband or deodorant, or a band-aid... It is so nice to go in the bathroom and know where to find what I need! As I grow up, I'm starting to rebel less against all that is n...

If I could save up a little more money, I could work from home... Someday I'm going to buy that little VW bug convertible... One day I'm going to take that Caribbean cruise... Someday.  My bills will be paid; my house will be clean; my flab will be gone; my life will be organized.  Yet, each day another 24 hours comes and goes, and for every step forward toward one goal, another goal lies tantalizingly out of my grasp.  And I wonder.  Does ANYONE really have it all together?  Or are we all juggling time maintaining our house with building a family or juggling energy keeping a job with building a career? The apostle Paul said, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (Phillipians 4:12 NIV).  There is a line, a tightrope even, that every healthy person must walk.  Everyone should set goals, aim for something greater, commit to personal growth....

I am an impatient driver.  If I see a utility or garbage truck slowing traffic, I immediately start thinking of an alternative route to get to my destination.  It may be out of my way, but hopefully I will save time by not waiting in line to bypass the roadblock.  There will always be obstacles to reaching your goals, and sometimes they will be unforeseen.  Sometimes you'll be able to plan an alternate path to get to where you are going.  Other times, you may have to be patient and wait it out.  Once in awhile, something major will come up, and you won't make it to where you were going.  You'll have to change your destination all together. For example, I'm working toward writing full-time.  However, I can't quit my full-time day job to pursue writing, because I don't have a surplus of cash, and it's pretty important that my children get to eat.  Sometimes, I get really frustrated with work issues, and I dread going in.  I read a Bibl...

It's great to have goals and to be able to work steadily toward them.  In my experience, however, only the most die-hard determined people can make a plan and stick to it without fail.  Often, these people are so driven their health and relationships suffer.  Moving forward is important.  Yet, as we know, life happens.  People get sick; people lose their jobs; people make poor decisions.  When life happens, it's tempting to get frustrated and give up.  "Apparently, it wasn't meant to be." So, maybe it isn't going to be as easy as you thought.  Maybe it's going to take longer.  Maybe after some long, hard thought, it's not really what you wanted after all.  That's okay.  Just don't give up.  Adjust, be flexible, arrange your time and money around your values.  Think about how your family and health figure into your goals. Along with being flexible, you have to be resilient .  You can't let little t...

So, it's technically not a word, or it wasn't until 2000, but getting from where you are to where you want to go takes more than a simple strategy.  It takes some serious strategery.  Strategery is about working backward in time from your goal to your present situation.  The important thing to remember is that it doesn't matter where you are now.  What matters is you are fully aware of where you are and are prepared to move in a planned direction.  No more treading water, no more procrastinating, no more wishing and hoping, no more fuming and bitterness, no more regret.  The past is the past, and it's unchangeable.  Where you are is unchangeable.  Where you are going is up to you. It's not enough to have a goal or want it really bad.  You have to strategerize a plan.  Do you want to get a novel published?  Have you started writing it yet?  When do you want to have it completed by?  How many words a day would tha...

She spins and she sways To whatever song plays Without a care in the world And I'm sitting here wearing The weight of the world on my shoulders It's been a long day And there's still work to do She's pulling at me Saying "Dad, I need you There's a ball at the castle And I've been invited And I need to practice my dancing Oh, please, Daddy, please?" So I will dance with Cinderella While she is here in my arms 'Cause I know something the prince never knew Oh, I will dance with Cinderella I don't want to miss even one song 'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight And she'll be gone... Steven Curtis Chapman’s song, Cinderella , is a beautiful portrayal of what a good dad looks like. I’ve seen some bad dads lately: dads who are apathetic, abusive, or absent. It breaks my heart, because dads have such an important role to play in their children’s lives. Even though moms are reputed to be the primary nurturers and caregivers, dads...

Rain. It’s still raining. It’s been raining almost nonstop for the last 16 hours. It’s funny how rain is a good thing when it’s been dry, or if it takes the place of snow. However, when it’s summer time, and there are ballgames to be played and swings to be swung and parks to visit and beaches to play and outside parties to plan… rain becomes the enemy. If I could stay home all day in front of the fireplace with a good mystery novel, listening to the rain drum on the roof or the window pane, I would be perfectly content with an all day rain. In fact, a colorful thunderstorm would be even better, with all the drama of booming crashes and blinding flashes of light. As it is, I got wet walking my daughter to the school so she can catch the bus to her summer art class. Although my giant umbrella was perfect for that walk, it was a little hard to maneuver in and out of the minivan when going to and from work and lunch. On the way home from child care, my daughter removed her shoes and ran t...

Continued from 5/15 post… Just as Wendy was trying to figure out how she was going to open the door when she reached the third floor, the door swung open.  A tall young man with curly brown hair, dressed in scrubs, jumped a little when he realized his path was blocked.  He held the door open while Wendy wheeled her bike through.  He cocked his head for a moment, a touch of amusement playing on his lips.  She gave a half smile and shrugged her shoulders.  She knew she must look ridiculous.  She found a family lounge area and wheeled her bike into a corner.  Surely no one else would be dumb enough to take a bike down stairs.  It was probably safe.  Wendy took a deep breath, and wiped her hands on her shorts.  She counted the room numbers, and finally ended up in front of 406.  She walked slowly into the room.  She looked for her mom, but no one was in the room except someone’s feet covered in white sheets to her left. ...

It was after 4:00, and I was grudgingly rushing back to work to meet with a family member at the nursing home. I was focusing on the construction sight at the end of the road, and almost missed my turn. I had one of those dissociative thoughts as I made my turn, that I had narrowly missed driving into destruction. It could be a metaphor for life- that by focusing on all the negative circumstances in life, you inevitably drive your life right into negativity and destruction. Then it occurred to me that it was not called a destruction site. It was a construction site. Even though it looks like a complete mess, each machine, hole, orange sign, and pile of dirt serves a purpose. In time, what now looks like a confused eyesore will be a safer traffic flow pattern with brand new asphalt and signs. Sometimes the roads of life need fixed, too. Too many of us continue down the same paths we’ve always known, and don’t realize they’re filled with potholes until we lose a hubcap or get a flat tire...

“It’s a golden doodle,” said my co-worker. She had brought pictures of her new puppy to work. “A what?” I asked. “A cross between a golden retriever and a poodle. A golden doodle.” she repeated. The photograph showed a miniature canine with pale gold kinky fur, long ears, and bright black eyes. It was playing in the grass. “Where does the “d” come from in doodle?” I asked. A doodle was a scribble on a piece of paper. It was not a dog. “I don’t know!” she exclaimed, a little exasperated with me. I remember the days when dogs stuck to their own kind. There were no schnoodles or doodles or mi-kis. Who do we think we are, messing with nature? My first dog was one third red setter, one third husky, and one third collie. I’m not sure how you breed a dog by thirds, but that was how I remember it. Her name was Frances. She loved to run through the open field at the end of the road. Frances also liked to swim, which was bad news whenever she managed to escape from the house. S...

I spent all last week at work frantically tying up all the loose ends. By 5:00 on Friday I finally felt like I had input all the data, made all my phone calls, put copies in the appropriate mailboxes, and programmed a special message to anyone sending me an email over the next five days. I spent the majority of the weekend with my family, doing umpteen loads of laundry, packing, tidying up the house, and making travel plans. We had already made reservations at the hotel. We mapped out our route. We started to pack some food for the road. Now my husband and I are debating departure times. I should be happy he doesn’t want to leave at 3 or 4 in the morning, which is his usual modus operandi. I know he’d like to catch the Reds game, but I don’t know… I’d be okay with waiting until 11, since we can’t check into the motel until 4:00. I’m planning to take my laptop and a few books… I never get extended time to focus on my writing. I know it’s a vacation, and I’ll enjoy time with my family, b...

Where can you be yourself? Is that a silly question? Isn’t it healthy to always be yourself? At work, I am not myself. I have to wear dress-up clothes and make-up to look professional. I have to say “good morning!” whether I believe it’s a good morning or not. I have to smile and nod even when someone asks me to do something I don’t want to do or don’t feel is my job to do. I have to bite my tongue when someone at the corporate level says or does something utterly ridiculous. When I say I have to do something, I mean I have to do it in order to keep my job, which happens to be a priority to me at the moment. I do believe everything is a choice in life. At church, I am more myself. I still try to make myself presentable. I feel I can be more sincere in my greetings, because I care more about the people there. I can be a little more honest about my desire or ability to take on new projects, although I hate to say no to anybody. I do struggle to let people know my true feelings… At club, ...

I finally finished my work at 5:30, an hour and a half later than I had planned to leave the office. I was on my own for dinner. My husband had brilliantly and lovingly offered to take the children to Chuck E. Cheese for the evening. As I slid into the driver’s seat of my minivan and turned the key in the ignition, I tried to decide what to do. Eating at home would require cooking, and possibly grocery shopping. Wendy’s and Popeye’s were nearby, but a little old hat. By now I was pulling out of the parking lot and heading north. By the time I reached the end of the T-intersection, I thought maybe a barbecue sandwich at Dairy Queen would be the ticket. I headed east toward downtown. By the time I came to the first stop sign, I realized I didn’t really want any ice cream. I headed north. Was there an Arby’s on this side of town? No. Too bad. I needed caffeine, and a Jamocha shake would be perfect. Taco Bell always offers cheap, tasty food, and I could get one of those blue Mountain Dews…...

I’ve been talking to a lot of people about jobs and careers. I have come to the conclusion that there is no reason a person shouldn’t go after their dream job. One of my friends has been going to school for several years to get her Master’s in counseling, while running her own restaurant at the same time. She started to realize about 10 years ago that she wanted to use her listening ear and life experience to help others in need, and after defining her goal, worked steadily toward it. Another friend would like to be a full-time youth pastor. However, he has to decide whether it’s important enough to him to go back to school. He has been out of work for six months and is trying to figure out how to make a living in the mean time. A third friend is miserable in his current situation- he has to work late hours, has to choose between pleasing his boss and being civil to his clients, and is constantly hounded to do more. His dream job would be coaching college basketball. While he may...

NPR dubbed it Economic Survivor’s Guilt. It’s that deep sense of guilt someone experiences when he or she still has a job, when friends or colleagues do not. It’s not the same as surviving a major event, like the Holocaust or 9/11. After all, these people are still alive. They’re with us every day. They still shop at the grocery store, attend church, and eat at restaurants. They are caring for their children, playing with their dogs, planning trips. Yet when I go to work every day, they have nowhere to go. When I expect a deposit into my bank account every two weeks, they’re hoping to hear from the unemployment office. As I juggle the demands of my boss and co-workers and my own agenda, they are scanning the classifieds and online listings for something that fits. When I complain about the hours or the stress or the unreasonable expectations, they are trying to fill their hours with meaningful things, struggling with their own identity. When I am wishing for a way out of the m...