Wildflower Writes

I am a good communicator.  I write well, speak somewhat articulately (if a little fast), and have a gift for teaching concepts at varying levels.  However, neither my family or my coworkers would tell you they're completely satisfied with how much I communicate.  I'm an introvert.  A lot more goes on in my head than ever proceeds out of my mouth.  I forget that no one can read minds and that my knowledge is virtually useless if I don't share it.  For me, I have to overcommunicate.  At work, that might mean a word in person, an email, and a note.  It might mean talking to multiple people in the same department.  It might mean following up later to make sure what I said was understood and acted upon. At home, as much as I wish everyone could read my minds, they can't.  My kids can't live up to my expectations if they don't know what they are.  My husband won't know how strongly I feel about something if I clam up when I'm upse...

To me, it was an epiphany.  "No one expects you to do this alone." "Really?" I thought.  I had always thought I was expected to just handle everything that came my way.  Even when I felt overwhelmed to the point of tears, or completely alone in my struggle, I just didn't know that it was okay to share the load.  What a relief!  I wasn't a failure.  I wasn't inadequate.  I was human.  In fact, my counselor went on to elaborate, God actually puts people in our lives to love, support, encourage, and challenge us.  In order to build relationships, I had to take down a formidable foe.  Pride.  I had to take off the smiley mask that tried to communicate well-being and self-reliance.  I had to admit I wasn't as strong or independent as I thought I was.  I had to admit I actually needed other people in my life. No one expects you to reach your goals alone. You need people in your life who will encourage you and believe in ...

I picked up an oldie but a goodie this week: “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I like to be inside people’s heads anyway, but to see how so many conflicts and emotional trauma could be avoided by the simple concept of boundaries is astounding. I am what the good authors would call “compliant.” I have trouble saying the word “no.” It’s a perfectly good word, useful in many situations, but for some reason it’s hard for me. I don’t want to make waves; I don’t want to let anyone down. I want to do the right thing; I want to help people. Did you know that it’s okay to say “no” if you don’t want to do something? I didn’t. I thought feeling guilty was an acceptable reason to say yes, even if I didn’t have the desire or the time to do it. For some strange reason, living by everyone else’s agenda leaves me a little hollow, and a little resentful. Yet bad feelings is what I’ve tried to avoid. I don’t want other people to think I’m selfish. I want to avoid the potential c...

I have come to the conclusion that I am a human being. It may seem strange to that after 30+ years I am finally figuring this out. But I am no ordinary human being. I have lived under the presumption, inoculated in me at an early age, that I can do anything that I put my mind to. Which, over time, I’ve taken to mean that I can sleep less, eat less, exercise less, and communicate less than the average human being. I can take on school, work, family, and thirteen volunteer positions, without batting an eye. I am Super Mom! I am also bleary-eyed, overweight, moody, stressed-out and overwhelmed. One might suggest the word, “balance.” Balance seems a lot like trying to walk a tightrope. I’m pretty sure I can’t do it, so why try? Yet, I’m not sure I enjoy living like this. I have to drag myself out of bed, guzzle coffee out of necessity rather than enjoyment, bark at my children to get ready and at my husband to stay out of my way. I dread work (like most red-blooded Americans) but ...

As a child, I remember fighting with my siblings to get my fair share. In those times, one of my father’s favorite sayings was “It’s not all about you.” While often said with force and intended to end the argument, the underlying message remains. Life is not about self or what you want or what makes you happy. Life is infinitely richer than the narrow framework of self. It involves interacting with and caring for other people. At the early stages of a child’s life, the parents make a choice to pander to every felt need of that child, or at some point communicate to him that parents are people too. When a toddler is told “no” he begins to realize he is not the center of the universe and is not entitled to have all his desires met. He learns some actions are unsafe and others are not kind. Compassion is also taught in parental response to their children in times of pain, sadness, or fear. An attentive parent learns to distinguish the types of cries. A child needs to know that her parent...

Have you ever wondered what the difference between peer pressure and accountability is? Lately I’ve been doing things I don’t want to do because someone has strongly encouraged me to. I found out that one of my favorite exercise classes at the Y takes place at the same time as my kids’ gymnastics lessons. It’s an incredibly convenient way to get in a good workout. It doesn’t mean I really want to change into my workout clothes and actually do exercise. However, just because an acquaintance mentioned she saw me at the class before and was looking forward to seeing me last night, I made myself go. Peer pressure or accountability? In order for something to be accountability, three requirements must be met. First, there has to be permission granted. If I communicate to you that I’m okay with you reminding me of my exercise plans, you are holding me accountable. If you grab my donut from me just because I said I want to lose some weight, you’d better run. Secondly, there has to be a...