Wildflower Writes

Photo by  Cade Prior  on  Unsplash Two different podcasters today told me I should be more vulnerable. One was a pastor, encouraging people to confess their faults, fears, failures, and feelings in the context of authentic relationships. To be a person of integrity, you have to be real with people. Without taking risks in relationships, you can’t grow as a person. Another was a therapist, counseling a businesswoman how to mitigate a conflict. Part of his advice was to acknowledge what she agreed with, and to take responsibility for her part in the conflict. This requires humility and honesty. Vulnerability is hard. The word itself means susceptible to harm. If you open yourself up to others, you’re more likely to get hurt. You’re also more likely to know that people like you for who you really are. As any adventure enthusiast would tell you, the greater the risk, the greater the reward.

It was a friendly debate. Should you go out on a date with someone if there is no initial spark of attraction? On the one hand, if you’re not attracted to someone, why spend the time getting to know him or her if you’re sure it’s not going to become more than a friendship? On the other hand, how do you know if someone has an attractive personality if you don’t take the time to find out? Or, another side of this argument may be, why not date just for fun? As a person who has been out of the dating game for over a decade, my views may be a little old fashioned. And wishy washy. After all, my answer would be, “it depends.” First of all, it depends whether you are male or female. A male’s initial attraction to someone is probably 95 percent physical. It may be the color of her hair, her smile, her eyes, and oh, yes, definitely her body. Although it will be shaped by his culture, what he finds attractive in the opposite sex will be highly individualized. On behalf of the many women ...