Wildflower Writes

Photo by  Suhyeon Choi  on  Unsplash I was recently “gifted” with some of my old papers- elementary school report cards, nursery school art, and a Sunday School certificate signed by Mrs. Betty Engle. As a child, I saw Betty as not only kind, but elegant and charming. She had a grace beyond a typical Midwesterner. I was a little jealous of my friend who was able to call her “grandmother.” Ms. Betty passed away this week, and I wonder if her grandchildren and great-grandchildren felt what I have felt after a loved one passed away. My world was upended. I would never see or speak to this person again (although I did ask God to give my grandma a message). Yet, almost unceremoniously, the rest of the world marched on. People in the grocery store acted like nothing had changed. People laughed and planned fun things. It seemed wrong for them to act normal when I was in such pain. Of course, strangers had no way to know how I was feeling, and no reason to act differently. ...

I gave blood the other day. For most people, that's no big deal. I have overcome great obstacles to be able to give blood. When I was 12, my ear started bleeding after I got them pierced. I saw it in the mirror and nearly passed out. When I was 19, I gave blood for the first time in college. I got so dizzy I had to lay on the floor for 45 minutes instead of sipping orange juice. When I was 34, I gave blood at my daughter's school. I passed out. The nurse called my parents to take my daughter and me home. I've given blood a couple times since, always with fear and trepidation that I might have an embarrassing episode. I have to focus on my breathing, be sure not to look at the needle or the tube or the bag, and think about anything else except where I am and what I'm doing (I have a very active imagination). So giving blood is like a rite of passage for me, overcoming a long-held fear of... what? Maybe pain, or death. But when I got the text that my blood typ...

I had a blessed Christmas Day. I was able to spend time with the people who mean the most to me. I received some very nice things from my doting husband, and my kids were great. I think my parents would have liked us to stay at their house longer, but I was tired and just wanted to be home (which is ironic, since that was  my home for 18 years). I longed for the comfort of my own pillow and jammy pants and relative quiet. I think sometimes that's what heaven is like. We are enjoying ourselves where we are, and we feel at home, but there's a longing for something more comfortable, more basic, more ideal. It's like the song sung by Buddy Greene: I don't belong and I'm going someday, home to my own native land...I've always known, this place ain't home, and I don't belong.  I find deep joy in knowing that this isn't all there is. As much as I enjoy the pleasures of Earth- the fascinating people, the smell of coffee, the taste of chocolate, the c...

I just returned from a fantastic weekend getaway. Luxury hotel, deluxe shopping mall within walking distance, and beautiful weather. Lots of rest and relaxation with a break from "momdom." Monday morning it was back to the real world- to an annoying alarm at 6:00 AM, to children who would rather stay in bed than get ready for school, and a fresh load of laundry. Back to "life," right? Actually, having some time to do some fun things with my husband really did bring me back to life. I wore nice clothes and makeup and went out with other adults. I had time to think about my values and priorities, count my blessings, and plan for the upcoming Christmas/ birthday/ travel season. I've been "spelunking" for the past few months- a euphemism for dealing with depression. Sometimes I explore the caves; sometimes I seek out the light. Now I think I'm ready to explore some trails and mountains instead- and ready to start some new adventures. Look out wor...

Some people are thinkers, and some are feelers.  The ways people process the world and make decisions  generally fall into one of these two categories. I am an analytical feeler.  I am very tuned into how I feel, but I want my decisions to be logical as well.  I know something is not right in my world when it doesn't "feel" right.  I struggle to find that balance, that sense of peace that I am doing all the things I should be doing and am capable of doing, and am doing it efficiently without sacrificing any of the fun or wonder that makes life worth living.  It comes down to values.  In order to feel peace with the way I live my life, I have to decide what is important to me.  My faith is important to me.  My family is important to me.  Integrity and responsibility are important to me.  Humor and fun are also important.  I value creativity and knowledge as well.  That is why I am pursuing a career that allows me to sha...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30030756/ Fourteen killed in Binghamton, New York. If you read the story, you have to ask yourself, what could cause a person to have so little regard for human life that he just starts shooting randomly at people? What intricate part of the human psyche gets broken to the point he believes this is an acceptable course of action? I was just remarking to a friend that maybe it’s not so far fetched. At some point we’ve all objectified other people. We’ve made fun of someone with an odd appearance, or who walks a particular way. We’ve laughed at jokes based on stereotypes. We’ve dismissed someone as “one of those…” and assumed we knew his motives. We’ve made all kinds of remarks about the car in front of us or behind us, when we don’t think at all about the driver. I’m reminded of a song that I cannot remember the artist, title, or exact lyrics. It talks about not knowing what the person beside us is going through. We may see a man on a bus with unruly ...

They swam in squiggles and lazy circles- gold, pink, speckled. “That one’s fat!” said my daughter. “Look! There’s more over here!” exclaimed my son, pointing to the far area of the koi pond at the front of the Chinese restaurant. For just a moment, I lost myself in my children’s world, gazing at the large multi-colored fish as they swam through the clear water, gliding past one another in silence, fins moving gracefully back and forth. “I like the blue speckled one,” I said, pointing. “What’s a speckle?” asked my daughter. I tried to explain and tried to stay in that world as long as possible, looking almost longingly as the carved Chinese men decorating the bridge across the faux mountain range. As adults we are so anxious and busy, we rarely take time to notice the small delights around us. Sometimes, we even force our children along when they want to enjoy the journey. There may not even be a reason, except we have a never-ending “to-do” list that has taken top importance in ...

The Museum of Science and Industry is located at 57th Street and Lakeshore Dr. More information can be obtained at 773-684-9844 or http://www.msichicago.org . This museum makes science fun with interactive exhibits and demonstrations. Exhibits include exploring a trip to the future, the Toymaker 3000, and the Whispering Gallery. Kids can engage in real science experiments, or learn about their world at the Omnimax theater. The Field Museum is located at 1400 S. Lakeshore Dr. More information can be obtained at 312-922-9410 or http://www.fieldmuseum.org . This museum explores history, archaeology, and natural science. Exhibits include Sue, the T-rex fossil, DNA exploration, rock and fossil exhibits, learning about mummies, and the history of chocolate. Self-guided tours are available on the website. Chicago’s Children’s Museum is located at 700 E. Grand Ave. More information can be obtained at 312-527-1000 or http://www.chicagochildrensmus eum.org . Three floors of inter...