Wildflower Writes

Photo by  Diana Polekhina  on  Unsplash   As a former athlete and musical theater participant, you would think I’d be graceful and coordinated. This is not the case. I’m kinda clumsy. In fact, as a teenager, my church youth group nicknamed me “Niagara” as in, “Niagara Falls.” I’m not better. I still have a scar on my thumb where I tried to open a cinnamon roll can with a knife. I have several burn scars from my stints in food service (and one from a fireplace). I’ve tripped four times on my morning jog- once while running from zombies (long story). The last time I tripped, I stepped off a sidewalk onto an uneven brick-paved road. I tried to jump up and continue my run, but I had scraped up my arm and leg and hurt my ego as well as my body. I walked home and cleaned myself up. It was ugly to look at. It hurt to walk. But every day the wounds shrunk and the pain was less, until only a scar was left. The pain after my fall let me know I needed to clean up and ...

Photo by  Joel M Mathey  on  Unsplash I love the story of the tortoise and the hare. I love knowing that slow and steady progress moves you closer to your goals, even if it takes some time. Time is so relative. A boring afternoon can stretch on for weeks, and ten years ago can seem like yesterday. Ironically, “time flies when you’re having fun” and time drags when you’re struggling. It’s important to remember that “this too shall pass.” It doesn’t matter what it is, it won’t last forever. Terrible twos? They only last a year. Winter weather? Spring is coming. Rookie status? Experience will change that. On the other hand, like the tortoise, it does take an effort to make progress. We can’t repeat the same habits and behaviors and expect different results. Positive change requires intentional effort. One step at a time.

Christmas eve... gifts are wrapped (mostly). Treats have been made and sampled. THE gift is put together and ready to play with... I'm ready for Christmas As corny as it sounds, I think the secret of finding joy in the holidays is to see things through a child's eyes. It's not all about the gifts... not really. It's about the excitement, the lights, the visiting with family... even if they can't comprehend everything that Jesus means to the world, they can celebrate the birth of a special baby. My kids have floored me with their generosity this year. Of course we encourage the attribute, but let's face it..generally speaking, kids tend to be selfish- "what's in it for me?" My kids not only purchased gifts for immediate family members, but are making gifts for others, and giving things that they no longer use. And it was all their idea! As Toby Mac says in his song, Christmas this Year , "it's like I'm ten years old again and ever...

I think that people reach their mid-life crisis (I’m pretty sure everyone has one) when they realize that time is going by so fast, they can’t keep up any more. It’s like the moment when your child passes you by in a talent or skill. Weren’t you just teaching him how to sing a nursery rhyme, and now he’s performing in front of others? Weren’t you just showing her how to kick a ball, and now she’s winning soccer championships? Around the same time, your child believes he or she is so much smarter than you. I don’t mean when you can no longer help them with their math homework. I mean your child’s perceived reality is that you can’t possible know all the right answers or give good advice and you are basically clueless to the real world. While your child is dealing with a new identity crisis: Who am I? Where am I going? What do I want to do with my life?- you start to have one as well. You may have spent the last 12 to 15 years in the role of a parent- maybe in the same job or field...

I haven't blogged for awhile.  At some point I decided that writing daily was never going to get me to the writing career I longed for.  However, since I am recently unemployed (technically self-employed with a tiny paycheck), I thought maybe sharing my experiences in that category might be helpful to others. I've always felt the most for those who have been laid off because there wasn't enough work, or there were budget cuts, or the position was eliminated.  No one feels sorry for the person who was fired. That's me.  Fired, canned, terminated, given the pink slip.  I had been joking for years that I looked forward to that day.  It wasn't that great, after all.  Although I don't believe I deserved it, no one wants to hear that.  It doesn't matter that Indiana is an at-will employment state, and that my employer did just that- fired me without a good reason.  I didn't complete a project because I was working overtime with what...

So, it's technically not a word, or it wasn't until 2000, but getting from where you are to where you want to go takes more than a simple strategy.  It takes some serious strategery.  Strategery is about working backward in time from your goal to your present situation.  The important thing to remember is that it doesn't matter where you are now.  What matters is you are fully aware of where you are and are prepared to move in a planned direction.  No more treading water, no more procrastinating, no more wishing and hoping, no more fuming and bitterness, no more regret.  The past is the past, and it's unchangeable.  Where you are is unchangeable.  Where you are going is up to you. It's not enough to have a goal or want it really bad.  You have to strategerize a plan.  Do you want to get a novel published?  Have you started writing it yet?  When do you want to have it completed by?  How many words a day would tha...

Okay, acknowledgement is not really a value.  It's more of an action, but it has everything to do with the way you view the world and your relationship with other people.  My pastor used an illustration in his sermon today... you wouldn't walk into a dinner at the White House (assuming you were invited) and not acknowledge the President.  He would be the reason you were at the White House, and the person who happens to live there.  Even though the people we come into contact on a daily basis may not have as much clout as the President of the United States, they still matter.  I work in a nursing home.  I am deeply aware that just taking the time to nod or smile or say hello to residents I pass in the hallway is vitally important.  Many of these people already feel discarded by their families, hopeless about their health, and live day to day going from medications to therapy to meals, and not much else.  If you want to make a difference in ...

Have you read the book, “How Full is Your Bucket?” by Tom Rath and Donald Clifton? It was required reading by my company a few years ago, and I was surprised to discover my son learning the same concepts in kindergarten. The premise is this: Everyone has a bucket. When it’s full, you feel good. When it’s empty, you feel bad. You fill others’ buckets by doing things that make them feel good. You take away from their buckets when you do things that cause negative feelings. Your own bucket is filled when you fill others’ or when they add to yours. Although this much my 6-year old could grasp, it gets more complicated. The same things that fills some people’s buckets may not fill others. For example, words of affirmation may fill one person’s bucket more, and gifts may fill someone else’s more. Also, based on this concept, you have to make choices about spending time with people, depending on whether or not they tend to give to or take away from your bucket. You also have the c...

I don’t know what it is about a breeze through my hair and dirt between my toes that makes me wax philosophical, but here I go again! This afternoon I was standing at the corner of the “garden” I had reluctantly agreed to start a month ago. I was reluctant because the only place I have a green thumb is on the online game Farmtown, and I think all my crops have wasted away there, too. When a friend recently asked me to water her plants while she was out of town, it took me five days to remember (Sorry Lisa!). I kicked off my shoes, there at the corner of the garden, and rolled up my sleeves to avoid a farmer’s tan, as ironic as that is. Then, blade by blade, I began pulling grass and weeds from around my tiny, fragile, carrot plants. I began to think how I needed to start pulling some weeds in my life. I have some bad habits. I like to eat, pretty much whenever food is available. Sometimes I’m actually hungry, but other times I’m looking for comfort or somet...

It was a friendly debate. Should you go out on a date with someone if there is no initial spark of attraction? On the one hand, if you’re not attracted to someone, why spend the time getting to know him or her if you’re sure it’s not going to become more than a friendship? On the other hand, how do you know if someone has an attractive personality if you don’t take the time to find out? Or, another side of this argument may be, why not date just for fun? As a person who has been out of the dating game for over a decade, my views may be a little old fashioned. And wishy washy. After all, my answer would be, “it depends.” First of all, it depends whether you are male or female. A male’s initial attraction to someone is probably 95 percent physical. It may be the color of her hair, her smile, her eyes, and oh, yes, definitely her body. Although it will be shaped by his culture, what he finds attractive in the opposite sex will be highly individualized. On behalf of the many women ...

Sometimes I worry about what kind of mom I am. I don’t spend inordinate amounts of time with my children. Sometimes I yell at them. Sometimes I say things I shouldn’t about people or situations that frustrate me. Sometimes I forget to keep up with their papers, projects, and events from school and activities. Sometimes I shut myself up in my room for some alone time. When it comes down to it, I am largely responsible, along with my husband, for the kind of people my children become. By helping support their interests and abilities as they grow, we give them tools to become what they are created to be. By instructing and disciplining, we teach them what is and is not appropriate in the social arena. It’s more than turning my children into responsible citizens, however. Whether I like it or not, their view of the world is colored by their interaction with me. When I show them affection, they feel how great it is to be loved. When I laugh with them, they learn how to find joy. ...

If you don’t know where you’re going, you probably won’t get there. That sounds obvious, but even in the everyday, simple things of life, it can be a little bit of a challenge to figure out your destination and the best path to get there. Suppose, for example, if someone were to be headed to church for a youth meeting, and instead started driving to work without thinking about it, even though it was a Sunday evening. That person would not have made it to the church if she had not suddenly asked, “Where am I going?” In life, you have to decide where you want to go before you start moving in one direction or another. If you don’t have a goal, you will waste a lot of time and energy doing things you don’t really care about. With summertime in northern Indiana comes construction. Even though I know that my usual route to work is blocked off, it took a few times driving to a dead end street before I learned to turn at the intersection prior to the construction site. You have to learn ...

I picked up an oldie but a goodie this week: “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I like to be inside people’s heads anyway, but to see how so many conflicts and emotional trauma could be avoided by the simple concept of boundaries is astounding. I am what the good authors would call “compliant.” I have trouble saying the word “no.” It’s a perfectly good word, useful in many situations, but for some reason it’s hard for me. I don’t want to make waves; I don’t want to let anyone down. I want to do the right thing; I want to help people. Did you know that it’s okay to say “no” if you don’t want to do something? I didn’t. I thought feeling guilty was an acceptable reason to say yes, even if I didn’t have the desire or the time to do it. For some strange reason, living by everyone else’s agenda leaves me a little hollow, and a little resentful. Yet bad feelings is what I’ve tried to avoid. I don’t want other people to think I’m selfish. I want to avoid the potential c...

What is it like to pack up some cards, balloons, and the last items from your desk, and walk away from a career of 35 years to a wide open field of possibilities called “retirement?” Wow. I’m not even 35 years old yet. My supervisor had her official last day today. She’s well into the traditional retirement age, and more than deserves some time to garden, travel, or do whatever her heart desires. What is it like to wake up on Monday morning and not have to be anywhere? What is it like to wake up without a schedule or itinerary in mind? What is it like to turn off the alarm and ignore the weather channel? What is it like to go out late on a weeknight with no repercussions? What is it like to take off on a whim to visit a friend or relative on the other side of the country? Retirement is hard for some people, especially men. If you are defined by what you do, who are you when you aren’t working? On the other hand, I’ve noticed that no one in the Optimist Club has had a problem ad...

When someone asks me what I do for a living, I’m a little embarrassed. I’m a director of admissions at a nursing home, but as soon as I say, “nursing home” most people either wrinkle their nose and change the subject, or go on about how they admire people who work in nursing homes because they couldn’t do it. Nursing homes aren’t dark, smelly places where old people go to die, in case that’s what you were thinking. Our facility has wide hallways, large courtyards, and lots of windows. It doesn’t smell any more than anyone else’s home. We have all kinds of wonderful people who live and work there. We have former factory workers, homemakers, salespeople, writers, bookkeepers, artists, farmers, and everything in between. Each person has a story, if you take the time to listen. One of our restorative aides gave me a poem today that reminded me how special the caregivers for the elderly are: If We Don’t… Hold their hands, Dry their tears, Try to calm their fears ...Who Will? If We Don't...

It’s quiet. My entire family fell asleep within minutes of hitting their pillows. I guess five hours of water play, a sophisticated scavenger hunt, animatronic story-time, and a full-length movie will do that to you. Why is it when you just start getting into the groove of vacation- do what you want, when you want, all at a leisurely pace- you have to pack up and look forward to the next break? When I went on vacation as a kid, there were not many choices. Dad decided when we were leaving, and Mom decided what we could pack. On the way, it didn’t matter if you were hot, hungry, thirsty, or your bladder was ready to explode, we would stop when Dad was ready, which usually meant when the gas tank was near empty. Once we arrived, we weren’t able to go anywhere without adult supervision. Our parents determined when and where we would eat and shop. I am not complaining about our vacations. Our beach vacations were some of the best memories of my childhood. My husband and I have just chosen ...

Time to take the leap. Time to stop trying to get people to notice me and my abilities and get out there. Time to send in some queries, and find some paying assignments. Time to see what I’m really made of. Time to blog one more night because I don’t yet have a paying assignment. Time to try and figure out exactly which magazines or publications I would like to write for. Time to take my books back to the library. Time to figure out how to balance life with dreams. Time to figure out the difference between social media networking, and playing on facebook. Time to decide how I really want to spend my time. Time to let some things go. Time to take care of myself. Time to take a vacation. Time to figure out how to fit exercise into the picture. Time to watch what I eat. Time to get de-stressed. Time to figure out where these headaches are coming from. Time for a nap. Time to focus. Time to get it done. Time to get all my ducks in a row. Time to get organized. Time to ma...

Pre-Mapquest, for those of you who don’t remember, finding an unknown address relied on memory, hastily written notes on a napkin or scrap of paper, or a hand-drawn map never made to scale. With Mapquest, or Google for you non-traditionalists, you could get step by step directions, and an accurate point by point map. With recent upgrades, you can map out up to 10 locations on one trip. You can avoid certain roads if you know they are under construction, or if you don’t like toll roads. Even with such fantastic technology, it’s still fallible. Mapquest relies on the information that it receives. It doesn’t always know about new roads or closed roads or flooding or changed street names. Sometimes, for one reason or another, it’s just plain wrong. I think the success people experience in life is decided largely by the set of directions they go by. Some people don’t have any direction. They just wander through life, letting detours and the influence of others determine whe...