Study of Motherhood

I’ve always been the kind of person who is secretly harder on myself than anyone else could ever be.  I don’t talk about it because no one wants to hear someone beat up on themselves.

I’m starting to learn that everything happens for a purpose, and all things happen in season.  Five years ago I was devastated that I was not given the opportunity to work in full time ministry.  A wise pastor suggested that then, when my children were 1 and 3, I had a different kind of ministry.  As a tried and true women’s libber, I had a hard time accepting that I could be called to such an ordinary, everyday job as motherhood. 

As my children grow, I am learning to love and accept them for the wonderful people they are becoming.  I am seeing how I influence them, with good habits and not so good habits.  I can’t imagine a more noble calling than motherhood.

Yet, I wish I could be supermom.  I wish I could pack nutritious lunches and walk to the bus stop every day.  I wish I could have creative parties for them and all their friends.  I wish I could have a clean and organized house with a craft area and a whole children’s library. 

So back to my learning curve.  I can’t do it all.  I have to walk a tightrope between my health and growth and the well-being of my family.  Sometimes I have to sacrifice sleep, or food, or a clean house, to take care of them, or just be with them.  Sometimes I have to get some alone time, or I will not be a good mommy.

And I won’t ever figure it out completely.  Each day brings new challenges, new opportunities to become a better person, new ways to grow as a mom.  Sometimes I manage; sometimes I fail.  By the grace of God, I pray that in the end, I’ll have provided a lot of love, fond memories, and a sturdy foundation to build on.