I’ve always been the kind of person who is secretly harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. I don’t talk about it because no one wants to hear someone beat up on themselves.
I’m starting to learn that everything happens for a purpose, and all things happen in season. Five years ago I was devastated that I was not given the opportunity to work in full time ministry. A wise pastor suggested that then, when my children were 1 and 3, I had a different kind of ministry. As a tried and true women’s libber, I had a hard time accepting that I could be called to such an ordinary, everyday job as motherhood.
As my children grow, I am learning to love and accept them for the wonderful people they are becoming. I am seeing how I influence them, with good habits and not so good habits. I can’t imagine a more noble calling than motherhood.
Yet, I wish I could be supermom. I wish I could pack nutritious lunches and walk to the bus stop every day. I wish I could have creative parties for them and all their friends. I wish I could have a clean and organized house with a craft area and a whole children’s library.
So back to my learning curve. I can’t do it all. I have to walk a tightrope between my health and growth and the well-being of my family. Sometimes I have to sacrifice sleep, or food, or a clean house, to take care of them, or just be with them. Sometimes I have to get some alone time, or I will not be a good mommy.
And I won’t ever figure it out completely. Each day brings new challenges, new opportunities to become a better person, new ways to grow as a mom. Sometimes I manage; sometimes I fail. By the grace of God, I pray that in the end, I’ll have provided a lot of love, fond memories, and a sturdy foundation to build on.