Changing Course

I've been in a funk. I've felt helpless to change some situations in my life. When depression attacks, it is insidious. First you feel out of control. Then you feel that since you can't change your situation, there's nothing to look forward to. You begin to feel you really don't matter, and that nothing else does either. You stop caring about the people and activities around you. You long to curl up into a ball forever.

Today, something snapped me out. There was a voice inside my head that asked me if I really wanted the people who are making my life miserable to win. Would I want them to know how much power they are wielding over me? They don't own me. I'm not trapped. Who says I can't make my own choices, choose my own destiny? There's a way. I just have to stop feeling sorry for myself and take action.

Besides that, what on earth do I have to feel sorry for? I live in a fantastic country. I have friends and family who genuinely care about me. I have a loving husband and amazing children. I have my health, and a decent income. I have my intellect, my wit, and my creativity. I have a Creator who has paid the ultimate price to be an intimate part of my life.

I am not my problems. I am bigger and better than them, and I'm not a quitter. Even if I do mess up, it's an opportunity to learn and grow. I don't have to have a perfect life to enjoy it.

Of course, there are other remedies that have helped with my new attitude. Extra sleep, physical activity, and oh, yeah, the chocolate have all had a part. I know that it's going to take a lot more for me to actually change the path that my ship is sailing. I just know I can't reach my destination if I jump ship.

There's also nothing better to have on board than some chili-flavored chocolate. Yum!

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